Embracing the Imperfect Balance: Lessons from a Trailblazing CEO

In a candid interview, Thasunda Brown Duckett, the president and CEO of the Fortune 500 financial services company TIAA, challenges the notion of "work-life balance" and shares her insights on finding a more realistic and fulfilling approach to managing the demands of career and family.

Redefining the Pursuit of Balance

Letting Go of the Illusion of Perfection

Thasunda Brown Duckett, a Wall Street titan and a mother, has come to the realization that the elusive concept of "work-life balance" is a myth. She recounts a pivotal moment when she broke down in tears after missing yet another evening with her children due to the demands of her high-powered job. This experience led her to a profound revelation: she could not be 100% present in both her professional and personal roles simultaneously.Duckett's husband, an engineer and a stay-at-home dad, offered her a simple solution – quit her job. Instead, Duckett chose to reframe her approach, acknowledging that she could not be everything to everyone, all the time. "The truth is I only have 100% of me, not 110%," she explains. "Understanding that I am not 100% allocated to being a mom, they only get 30%, allows me to be more intentional."

Embracing a Diversified Approach

Rather than striving for the impossible task of perfectly balancing her responsibilities, Duckett has adopted a more holistic perspective. She likens her approach to managing her time and energy to that of a diversified investment portfolio. "If you live your life like a diversified portfolio, just like with your money, over time you will outperform," she says.This mindset shift has allowed Duckett to be more realistic about her limitations and priorities. "On any given day, I may not feel like I'm the best mommy when I'm traveling. There's days I don't feel like I'm a great CEO. There's moments I don't feel like I'm a great daughter," she acknowledges. "But over time, I'm a really good mom. And over time, I believe that I'm in purpose as a leader and I'm doing a great job."

Challenging the Myth of "Having It All"

Duckett's candid admission that she cannot devote 100% of herself to both her career and motherhood echoes the experiences of other high-profile women who have grappled with the same challenge. Whoopi Goldberg and Lily Allen have both openly shared how they had to make difficult choices between their careers and their children.The notion of "having it all" – the corner office, the perfect family, and the flawless appearance – has long been a seductive but unrealistic ideal. As Farrah Storr, the former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, aptly stated, "You can't do it all properly, all at the same time." Even those with significant resources and support systems have struggled to excel in both realms simultaneously.

The Consequences of Unattainable Expectations

The pressure to "have it all" has taken a significant toll on working mothers. In the UK, a quarter of a million mothers have left their jobs in recent years due to the difficulty of balancing a career and childcare responsibilities. Those who remain in the workforce often face financial penalties, with mothers experiencing a 60% drop in earnings compared to fathers in the decade following the birth of their first child.Moreover, over 40% of the mothers surveyed by the Fawcett Society have turned down a promotion or career development opportunity due to concerns about how it would fit with their childcare arrangements. In contrast, men tend to see their pay increase after becoming fathers, further exacerbating the gender imbalance.

Redefining Success and Prioritizing What Matters Most

Duckett's candid approach to managing her responsibilities as a CEO and a mother serves as a powerful example of the need to redefine success and prioritize what truly matters most. By acknowledging her limitations and embracing a more balanced and intentional approach, she has found a way to thrive in both her professional and personal roles, albeit not in the idealized, all-encompassing manner that society often expects.As Duckett's story illustrates, the path to fulfillment and success is not a straight line, but rather a winding journey of self-discovery, compromise, and the courage to challenge societal norms. By embracing the imperfect balance, women like Duckett are paving the way for a more realistic and empowering narrative around the pursuit of work-life harmony.