Every parent holds the dream of nurturing a happy child with the potential to reach great heights. Regardless of a child's intelligence or athleticism, the absence of mental strength can impede their goal attainment. In my book, "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do," I emphasize that raising such kids isn't about mere toughening up; it's about endowing them with the skills to confront challenges, manage emotions, and have self-belief.

Words Matter: Building Mental Strength

The words we choose can play a pivotal role in building a child's mental strength. There are simple yet potent phrases that can ignite resilience, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving abilities. Incorporating these 10 statements and questions into daily life creates a safe space for kids to learn, fail, and grow.

Encouraging Self-Reflection

When a child feels upset and engages in negative self-talk like "I'll never pass math," it's tempting to offer reassurance. However, by asking "What would you say to your friend who had that problem?" we teach them to reframe their own thoughts. When they consider comforting a friend with kind words, their perspective shifts, and they learn to be self-compassionate.This approach helps them develop the ability to handle difficult situations on their own and build their inner strength.

Validating Emotions

Validation is a powerful tool. Saying "It makes sense you feel that way" acknowledges and empathizes with a child's feelings. They don't worry about being wrong for having a certain emotion. Validating their feelings builds trust and makes them more open to sharing their struggles.It shows them that their emotions are valid, even if they might seem out of proportion at times.

Differentiating Feelings and Behaviors

It's crucial for kids to understand the difference between feelings and behaviors. Phrasing like "It’s OK to feel upset, but not OK to act this way" validates their emotions while setting boundaries.It teaches them that emotions like anger or sadness are normal but that it's not acceptable to disrupt or hurt others. We can use this opportunity to teach them alternative coping mechanisms such as taking deep breaths or expressing their feelings.Controlling emotional expression is a vital skill for life's ups and downs.

Teaching Problem-Solving

When a child is frustrated or struggling, our natural instinct might be to fix things for them. But it's essential for them to learn problem-solving skills. By saying "Let’s solve this together," we assure them that they don't have to face difficulties alone and show them a useful approach.They learn that there are multiple ways to solve a problem and gain confidence in their decision-making abilities.

Acknowledging Effort

Praising effort rather than just results teaches children the value of perseverance over perfection. For instance, instead of only praising high grades, saying "I hope you’re proud of yourself for working so hard!" shows them that they can be proud of their efforts without always seeking external validation.When kids feel good about their effort, they develop self-motivation and resilience in the face of setbacks.

Reframing Failure

Failure is often feared, but resilient kids understand that it's a part of growth. Asking "What were you brave enough to fail at?" reframes failure as a sign of courage.Openly discussing failure encourages kids to try new things, step out of their comfort zones, and build confidence from their efforts, regardless of the outcome.

Shifting the Focus to Learning

When something goes wrong, it's easy for kids to focus on the negative. But the phrase "What can we learn from this?" shifts the focus to growth and learning.It teaches them to view setbacks as opportunities for improvement and helps them develop a curious mindset instead of self-criticism.

Identifying the Source of Emotions

The question "Do you need to solve the problem or deal with how you feel about the problem?" introduces an important distinction between external challenges and internal reactions.For example, if a child is anxious about a tough math problem and wants to avoid it, we can help them recognize that their nervousness is about getting the problem wrong. By dealing with the feelings rather than avoiding the problem, they gain better control over their responses and learn when to change their mindset or circumstances.

Cultivating Gratitude

Gratitude is a proven tool for enhancing well-being. By making it a daily habit of saying "Let’s talk about what we’re grateful for today," we teach kids to focus on the positives in life, even during difficult times.Gratitude helps them build emotional resilience and equips them to find the good in the world.Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and instructor at Northeastern University, is the author of several books including "13 Things Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Feel Good, Act Brave" and "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do." Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks ever. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.Want to make extra money outside of your day job? Sign up for CNBC’s online course "How to Earn Passive Income Online" to learn about common passive income streams, tips to get started and real-life success stories.