Andie* was my first college friend, and our bond was forged over shared interests in music, TV shows, and a mutual tendency to complain about everything. However, as the initial excitement of the first month wore off, I noticed Andie's discomfort with my frequent suggestions to explore off-campus dining options, something I indulged in regularly. Her reluctance to venture beyond the free meals at the dining hall puzzled me at the time, but in hindsight, I can see that her reaction was likely rooted in her own financial concerns and the need to be mindful of her spending.

Uncovering the Invisible Lines of Class

Confronting the Socioeconomic Divide

Prior to college, I had never given much thought to my own socioeconomic status. Growing up in a California suburb, I had friends from diverse backgrounds, some living in sprawling homes and others in more modest dwellings. My family's financial standing fell somewhere in the middle, and it wasn't until I arrived at the exorbitantly priced private liberal arts college in an old-money city that the stark divisions in wealth and class became glaringly apparent. Suddenly, I was surrounded by students who were either stressed about money or flaunting their affluence, and the invisible lines that had previously been blurred now snapped into sharp focus.

Unaware of My Own Privilege

At 18, I was ill-equipped to navigate the complexities of socioeconomic status, largely because I was oblivious to my own privileged position. My scholarship and financial aid had cushioned the financial burden on my family, but the true cost of my education was a topic that was rarely discussed at home. We didn't talk about the significantly lower in-state tuition I could have accessed by staying in California, nor did we delve into the sacrifices my parents and grandparents had made to send me to this prestigious institution. I simply accepted that I would go to college, no matter the cost, and I didn't ask any further questions.

The Divide Between "Poor" and "Comfortable"

Andie, on the other hand, was open about her family's financial struggles and the strain her education placed on their budget. Hearing her talk about the challenges of affording her pricey education made me question my own standing. While I didn't consider myself wealthy, I also didn't have the same level of money anxiety that seemed to follow Andie around. It was only later that I realized my ignorance of my own financial privilege was itself a function of that privilege. In my entire upbringing, my parents had only needed to have one serious conversation with me about money, during the 2008 recession, and it never really came up again.

The Middle-Class Conundrum

Financial therapist Aja Evans explains that it is often those in the middle and upper-middle classes who are the least versed in their financial realities. While wealthy individuals may have some awareness of their financial standing, and those from low-income households learn early on about the importance of budgeting and spending, the "middle" group can be the most disconnected from these conversations. This lack of financial education can make the transition to college, where economic differences are so starkly on display, particularly jarring.

The Importance of Open Dialogue

An open dialogue about my family's financial standing could have better prepared me for the socioeconomic diversity I encountered in college. It might have helped me empathize with Andie's perspective and discuss how our unique relationships with money had shaped our values and priorities. Additionally, it could have set me up to make more informed financial decisions after college, rather than spending beyond what my media salary could comfortably afford.

The Difficulty of Money Conversations

I don't blame my parents or grandparents for not initiating these discussions. They had worked hard to provide me with a comfortable upbringing, and they had given me far more than I could ever repay, both financially and emotionally. Evans acknowledges that talking about money is a notoriously difficult topic, and parents have yet to fully figure out how to approach it with their children. However, with the increasing prevalence of financial wellness influencers and the impact of recent economic events, the taboo surrounding these conversations is slowly being shed.

Challenging Assumptions and Avoiding Comparison

Evans emphasizes that it's important not to make assumptions about someone's socioeconomic status based on their actions or possessions. "People make assumptions that somebody can afford something just because they're doing it, but that's not necessarily true. That person might be drowning in debt." She also cautions against the tendency to compare one's self-worth to one's net worth, a trap that can be particularly prevalent in the college environment, where students are constantly exposed to diverse backgrounds and lifestyles.

Embracing Diversity and Personal Growth

Ultimately, the socioeconomic differences I encountered at college, while initially jarring, were a valuable part of my personal growth and development. Andie and I may not have remained friends, but the lessons I learned about myself, my status, and my worldview have endured. The discomfort of confronting these differences was a necessary step in broadening my perspective and challenging my assumptions. By embracing the diversity of experiences and backgrounds within the college community, I was able to gain a deeper understanding of the complex interplay between socioeconomic status, personal values, and the human experience.