Empowering Families to Cope with Grief

Start with Yourself

Before delving into helping kids, it's crucial to prioritize self-care. Just as we're advised to put our oxygen mask on first, taking care of ourselves is essential. This means ensuring we eat regular meals, get sufficient sleep, and engage in some form of movement. Simple routines like these provide the energy needed to care for a grieving child. Moms, in particular, are used to shouldering the burdens, but now is not the time to be a superwoman. It's okay to accept and ask for support. Whether it's through support groups, therapy, or talking to friends who understand grief, finding outlets to process our own emotions is vital. Trying to suppress our grief for the sake of the kids won't work; we need to address it freely to be present for our children's needs.

Letting kids see us cry is part of modeling healthy grief. We can assure them that being sad and being healthy are not mutually exclusive. By word and deed, we show them that we are strong enough to handle our feelings and help them with theirs.

Let Them Grieve Their Way

When it comes to helping kids through grief, it's about providing them with the space and options to express themselves. Start by allowing kids to decide if they want to attend the funeral. For young children, explaining the details and involving them in the process helps them feel more in control. Give them the choice to participate in activities like choosing music or a reading. At the same time, be prepared for last-minute changes and have a backup plan.

Each child grieves differently. Some may be more physical, needing ways to release their emotions through movement. Others may find solace in drawing, music, or writing. Paying attention to our kids and understanding their individual needs allows us to offer the right forms of support.

Normalize the Grief

Acknowledge that kids may feel a range of emotions, and it's normal. Let them know that you understand and are there for them. Be soothing and offer options like a hug or some space. Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. For example, when it comes to important dates, work together to find ways to mark them in a meaningful way. It could be having a cake, going on a hike, or looking at pictures. Giving them choices helps them feel involved in the healing process.

Do They Need a Support Group?

Deciding whether a support group or therapy is appropriate depends on the child. Therapy or peer support groups can be helpful, especially if there is a significant impact on daily functioning. School interruptions can be challenging, and if kids can't get back on track, intervention may be necessary. The Dougy Center offers peer-based support groups, which provide a sense of normalcy. Teens have different needs from young children; they may be more focused on friends. It could be a family friend, a therapist, or a school person who they open up to.

Find Space for Joy

It's important not to let grief consume the family life. When a child has a success, celebrate it without immediately lamenting the absence of a loved one. Holidays can be tough, but make sure kids feel free to experience joy. Small shrines can be maintained in a personal space to honor the loved one without overwhelming the house. There is life after grief, and our job is to keep that hope alive for both our kids and ourselves.

The Dougy Center website offers excellent resources to assist families through grief. To find a therapist near you, refer to the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.