In 2012, when I first encountered my wife, she expressed her firm stance of never wanting to be pregnant. In our 30s, our discussions centered around adoption rather than having a newborn and dealing with sleepless nights. The thought of being a parent didn't appeal to me; I preferred to invest my time in other pursuits.

Health Concerns and the Initial Decision

When we first met, my wife revealed due to health issues, she had no desire to bear children. Just like many young people in their early 20s, we left the door open for a potential change in the future. In 2015, during a couples' weekend trip, the realization that she had forgotten her birth control led us to briefly confront the question of having kids. Our answer was to turn back and get the pills, reaffirming our choice to be child-free.

Child-Free by Choice in the Present

With another decade passing, our stance remains the same. We are by choice childless. However, what has changed is my ability to clearly express why. As a young newlywed, the tension of not wanting kids was in having to justify it constantly. In bolder moments, I would cite the climate crisis and civilization's impending collapse as reasons.

Adoption as an Option in Our 30s

As our 20s ended and we entered our 30s, it was clear there would be no biological children. But the possibility of adoption occasionally came up. It seemed to remove the physical risks that terrified my wife. We even thought it would skip the challenging stages our friends with kids had gone through. Yet, our conversations about adoption were more about reconciling our future selves with who we were and had become.

The Significance of the Choice

Realizing I don't want to be a parent has been a clarifying experience. It has helped us define our priorities. I don't want to be a parent, but I do want to be a supportive husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife, growing old together and feeling the love that brought us together in our daily lives.