Unlocking the Power of Calm: Helping Stressed-Out Kids Thrive After School

For parents with strong-willed, deeply feeling, or neurodivergent children, the after-school hours can be a battlefield. After a long day of constant demands and directives, all they want is to come home to a safe haven where they can decompress. However, the instinct to bombard them with questions and homework can often backfire, leading to emotional shutdowns. But there's a simple solution that can transform this challenging transition and restore a sense of calm and control for our kids.

Empowering Kids to Regain Control After a Demanding Day

Recognizing the Need for Autonomy

The key to a smooth after-school transition lies in understanding the unique challenges our children face throughout the day. As one parenting expert explains, "So many of you have strong-willed, neurodivergent ADHD kids who are tapped out mentally and emotionally and socially at school, probably by like noon or 2 p.m. every day." This is because "everything is out of their control at school. They don't really control what they do, where they go, where they sit, and people are telling them what to do all day."

Providing Opportunities for Hands-On Control

When our kids return home, they desperately need to regain a sense of autonomy and control. Instead of immediately bombarding them with questions or demands, the expert suggests giving them a simple, hands-on task that allows them to feel in charge. "Give your kids something they feel in control of. We used to do these after-school camps for kids, and they'd come in, they'd be really bossy with me. And so my initial response inside was, 'Well, you're a bossy little jerk. No wonder you don't have any friends.' But that was just me being a jerk."The solution? "I'd say, 'Oh, you know what? In the basement, there's a broom that's broken. Do you think you can find some duct tape down there and fix it for me?' I gave the child something he or she was in control of, something tactile. They could build. They could fix. They could make. Give them things they can organize. They can sort. That is very, very settling for your kids."

Avoiding Reminders of School

The key is to provide activities that are completely disconnected from the school environment. "Give them an adult-type job, not a homework-type thing. Do a treasure hunt outside. Bet you can't find this. I hid it in the backyard. They get fresh air. All those things are really, really cool for your kids after school because it just calms them. It's a nice introduction to the afternoon and evening."

The Importance of Decompression Time

This approach recognizes the fundamental need for all of us, both children and adults, to have a moment to decompress and reset after a demanding day. "There is something meaningful and fueling about taking a second to calm and reset after coming home from work. So, why wouldn't it be the same for our kids?" By providing this crucial transition time, we can help our children regain their equilibrium and approach the rest of the day with renewed energy and focus.