Challenging the "He Likes You" Narrative: Empowering Children to Recognize and Respond to Bullying

Growing up, many of us were told that when a boy bullied us, it was because he "liked" us. This harmful narrative, often perpetuated by well-meaning adults, can have lasting consequences on how children perceive and respond to abuse. In a powerful TikTok video, one mom is taking a stand against this toxic mindset, educating her daughter and others on the real reasons behind bullying behavior.

Empowering Children to Recognize and Respond to Bullying

Confronting the "He Likes You" Narrative

The mom in the video, known as "Jfab," recounts her own experiences of being told that the boys who bullied her as a child were doing so because they "liked" her. She recognizes the damaging impact this message can have, as it teaches children that abuse is a form of affection. Determined to break this cycle, Jfab confronts her own mother when she tries to feed the same narrative to her 8-year-old daughter.

When Jfab's daughter shared an incident where a boy in her art camp had smeared paint in her hair and given her the "loser" sign, Jfab's mother immediately responded with the familiar refrain, "Because he likes you!" Jfab, however, was having none of it. She firmly shut down this harmful narrative, explaining to her mother that this is not how we should be teaching her daughter to interpret bullying behavior.

Reframing the Narrative: The Real Reasons Behind Bullying

Instead of dismissing the incident as a sign of affection, Jfab took the opportunity to educate her daughter on the true reasons behind bullying. She explained that the boy's actions were not because he "liked" her, but rather because he was struggling with his own self-esteem and insecurities.

Jfab eloquently articulated that the boy likely felt "unseen at home in some capacity" and had "internalized" the idea that he didn't like himself very much. As a result, he felt the need to make others feel bad about themselves in order to feel better about himself. This, Jfab emphasized, is the same reason why some adults can be abusive – they are projecting their own self-loathing onto others.

By reframing the narrative and providing her daughter with a deeper understanding of the underlying causes of bullying, Jfab is empowering her child to recognize and respond to such behavior in a healthy and empowered way. This approach not only helps her daughter in the present but also shapes how she will navigate relationships and handle abuse in the future.

The Importance of Establishing Boundaries

Jfab's actions also highlight the importance of teaching children about boundaries and self-worth. As one commenter aptly pointed out, if we don't teach children how to set and maintain boundaries now, they may struggle to do so as they grow older.

By firmly rejecting the "he likes you" narrative and instead educating her daughter on the true nature of bullying, Jfab is instilling in her child the understanding that she deserves to be treated with respect. This lesson will serve her well as she navigates the complexities of relationships and social dynamics in the years to come.

The Lasting Impact of the "He Likes You" Narrative

The comments on Jfab's video reveal that many women have been subjected to the same harmful narrative during their own childhood experiences with bullying. Several shared their stories, recounting how they were told that their male bullies were acting out of affection, only to later realize that the abuse had nothing to do with "liking" them.

This narrative not only dismisses the pain and trauma of being bullied but also perpetuates the toxic "boys will be boys" mentality. By normalizing abusive behavior and framing it as a form of affection, we risk teaching children that they should accept and even seek out such treatment in their relationships.

Jfab's courageous stance against this narrative is a powerful reminder that we must challenge these harmful beliefs and empower our children to recognize and respond to bullying in a healthy, empowered way. By reframing the narrative and providing children with a deeper understanding of the root causes of bullying, we can help break the cycle of abuse and shape a more compassionate, respectful, and equitable future.